I don't know if i can do this anymore. But it seems like I've gone so far that I have no way out. I've put all my eggs in one basket. even if I wanna stop, I don't know what to do after this. I don't know where to go, I don't know where to live. I just woke up and it's like I realize that for the past couple years I stop caring about everything including myself. I've been so selfish. I'm living in some kind of false reality. I think the reason I bought this boat is because I'm a big coward in the 1st place. Was going to make an escape and sail away from my life, reality.... But I might just shoot myself instead
